Monday, September 19, 2016

Dating at 40

Remember when I said my blog would become a hodge podge of this so called life? Well, here goes!

I've been single for quite sometime now. My ex-boyfriend and I parted ways on terrible terms and then good terms and remained friends. I decided this past June I would really put forth some effort into dating.

So, for real, dating as an adult in a complete and utter shit show. There is no other way to put it. Everyone who is married is all like, "you'll meet someone when you're not looking," "you have to be happy alone first," "go to the supermarket, go to church." Y'all are full of bananas. Most of you have been married for ever or have been with your significant other before you had any type of real responsibilities, so shutty.

Some real things. I am happy with me. The end. Ya know who is at churches and supermarkets in the Chicago south suburbs, married fellas and families. If I'm not going to look for someone, is he just going to appear on my doorstep? Ya know how many single 40ish year old men work in a Pre-K-2nd grade building? None. Groceries and house errands during much of my free time. No opportunities there.

So, here I am 40 with a four year old dictator, living in...well, a more populated version of Stars Hollow sans Luke and even Kirk. No single 40 year old ladies to go prowl with. Blah blah blah

Dating at 40 7th grade classroom bad.

Which brings me to online dating. Honestly, it seems to be the only way to meet people. It's awful. Don't ever get divorced. Online dating is the equivalent of getting junk mail. So many options but most of it, just isn't for me. It's hard for both men and women alike. I've shared stories...lots of them!

Sheer entertainment. Here's my profile...

Who knew that writing about yourself would be such a difficult task? Let's see, I have a four and half year old son who I absolutely adore....that being said, he is a tyrannical dictator. Seriously, the.worst.boss.ever. He has made me a better person...I try my hardest to treat others as I would like to be treated. I would do just about anything to help a friend, a family member, or a co-worker. I love making others feel important and happy.

I am sarcastic and can be funny. Most people say I have a sense of humor similar to a guys. I probably would be described as loud once you get to know me. I love funny movies and funny people. If you are super serious, you need not apply. I enjoy being outside and going out, but I also love to be domestic. I love cooking for the people I love and have been told I am a good cook. 

I teach Kindergarten and it is what I was born to do.

I hate the gym. If you seek a girl with a great body, keep looking, for real. I lost a lot of weight in the last 4 years though, so BOOYA!

Everything I know about sports has been learned by watching Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons, it's on episode 6, so as you can imagine, I know a sh*tton!

I am looking for someone who shares the same values; someone who is honest, kind, hardworking, and funny. I want to find someone I can have a good time with and we can see where it goes from there. There's nothing wrong with you wanting a one night stand, but I'm looking for something real. No smokers, please.

Ok I use to be all like let's do drinks or have coffee...but honestly, if we don't suddenly fizzle out, I'm open to lunch, appetizers, or dinner. I don't like to chat on here forever, but there will be some messaging to ensure that our first meet goes somewhat ok :) 

I'm tired of the sh*tshow dates. 
No, we are not going to have sex in your car or my car...
Not in a box.
Not with a fox.
Not in a house.
Not with a mouse.
I would not do it here or there.
I would not do it anywhere.

It's just not my thing to have sex on the first date. So, don't try to feel me up in the parking lot either. I will do my best to keep my paws off you too :)

I feel like my profile is decent. I mean I'm not a model nor am I a writer. It will do.

Anywho, I decided the last two weeks of June that it was time to dive head first and try, really try. I would chat with anyone I found remotely interesting and arrange a meet. Get the first meet out of the way, like tearing off a bandaid. There's no point in messaging or texting over and over...even a phone call isn't enough. Although, sometimes a phone call is just enough. Speak clearly!! Between June 24th and the time school had started August 21st, I had gone out on 15 dates. Each one was interesting to say the least. Each one resulted in being asked out on a second date. I accepted and went on a total of 3 second dates.

Some casualties....
* Guy who had the most obnoxious laugh that EVERYONE in the restaurant stared at us. All.night.long.
* Guy who has been single for 14 years and knows everything about women and dating. Also, he's not a smoker, but he smoked about 8 cigarettes throughout the evening on a patio. He called my four times between 11PM and 9AM and sent four texts. Also, enjoys role playing on Friday nights.
* Guy who was so over the top into dating, he wanted to be exclusive by date 2. Very insecure. Was very angry when I said let's go slow.
* Guy who didn't let me speak for about 2 hours. Which is saying something because girl likes to talk!
* Guy who wanted a relationship. Tried to feel me up LITERALLY in a parking lot. Sent some graphic pics in the morning. Nobody wants to see that, nobody.

They've all given me a lot to think and talk about for sure.

I'm meeting a guy this week. Keep your fingers crossed, lol!